When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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