dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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