how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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