ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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