Can i not drive my cunt home
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
