How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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