Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
