hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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