Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
