my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
