Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just fell off a train. Bad.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
this is an emotional support booty call
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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