Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
