Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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