Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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