Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
