I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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