yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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