Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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