Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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