Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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