Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
be right there i have to get my cape
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
