Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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