ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
