i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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