How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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