Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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