were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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