So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
