your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
