She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
