FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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