well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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