Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
