I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
