If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
