Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
