Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
