So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
