drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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