Can i not drive my cunt home
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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