I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
