Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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