He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
