You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
