you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
