There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
