I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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