I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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