Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
