Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
