I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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