I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
