I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
