I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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