im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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