Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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