Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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