don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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