capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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