He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
