I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
