Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
