I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
