She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
50% drunk capacity currently
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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