I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
