Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
