dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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